Have you ever thought of taking your life?
It is a scary way to start, I know, but this post is all about the message – the question above. Surprisingly the number ONE search phrase that brings people to my blog are the words “Before I Go.” I do have a post titled that and it’s quite inspiring but this common search phrase has me thinking. If that post is the last thing someone reads before they ‘go’, I really wish I’d had something better to say to them, and I do. So here it is and I BEG you – if you have found me by this search phrase or are in any way thinking of …going (someplace other than on vacation) – please read to the end of this post.
The world is filled with light, but it can get SO DAMN HEAVY that you’re bogged deep beneath the tar, the quick sand, the mud pits and it’s impossible to breathe, let alone see above to blue sky.
There are pockets of darkness within ourselves that we get trapped inside of. We simply can not see out of them, no matter what BS others say to us to console us, no matter what we tell ourselves – all we see is the impending dark – the suffocating pain. Your world may be crashing down around you, you may feel like the pain is so hard that any relief would be good and if that’s comforting then permanent relief would be even better? Is hope really nonexistent? Is the future really dark and cold? Does one more day of dealing with the thoughts and pain feel like a morbid dream?
It sucks, it hurts. Like Hell it hurts.
The mind has a way of turning the lights out, of not seeing past today. The sad thing is, your mind doesn’t always talk to your heart. In fact, if you’re feeling this way your heart has probably been scarred pretty badly and can’t talk at all. Guilt, betrayal, loneliness, abandonment, these things whether received or (given) can cause us to shut down. The lights go out, the heart stops beating you may already feel dead.
*~but you are not~*
What you are is being pulled away from what you are supposed to do. Pulled to a dark place.
Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe this. You may have a lesson to learn, a painful but absolutely necessary one. You are here for a reason, figure it out then start climbing out of this dark place. Have you ever stood up too fast and even though your eyes are open your sight closes in? Green to black around the edges until you can’t see, you’re about to pass out. (Happens to me all the time). Instead of falling over you just keep walking even though you can’t see – you just see through the dark. You trust that your feet are firm against the floor, you’re balanced but dizzy and you trust it will be over quickly. You just squint your eyes until everything equalizes. You know this because it’s happened before and everything turned out okay. You trust it will be the same this time.
Well, when depression, anxiety or sadness take over to the point you are taken to depths darker than you’ve ever been before, you can’t always trust that things will be better. You have nothing to judge that theory on. You may convince yourself it’s just too bad to go on – to scary – too dark – too long. But I’m asking you to trust even though your mind is saying not to, even though your heart may be a cold ball in your chest that says end it. TRUST me when I tell you it WILL equalize and you will surface again. Not only will this happen but you will come out a bigger and better person than you ever imagined. Take a chance on something great – take a chance on yourself. No matter how broken, pathetic, sad – whatever you are feeling right now, give that miracle of a body and mind another chance. You have work to do. Work you don’t even know of yet. You just can’t SEE right now. You will though.
Here is what I ask.
Before you go I ask you first to go for broke.
If you’re going out anyway what do you have to lose? Nothing and EVERYTHING to gain.
Go for Broke.
If escape is what you seek, then escape. Do something drastic, stir the waters within yourself – FEEL. Move to a different town, get a different job, make some new friends, find someone and be for them what you need. Give to the world that for which you seek and it comes back around. Beneath the pain, darkness and hopelessness YOU, my dear friend, are an amazing soul. Let your soul take over and be able to carry your mind and heart right now. You have work to do. Forget about the past, forget about last week, you can deal with it later. Right now take a deep breath and make a plan. Spend all damn night, week, month if you must. Carry it with you so the times you feel yourself slipping you have it with you. YOU are here for a reason, you may have been cheated and may have cheated others, but don’t cheat your own soul. Now go – go for broke. Don’t stop and don’t ever think these words again “Before I Go.” This world is full of people waiting to love someone with every ounce of their soul, waiting for a friend – waiting. Just like you, they may be in the dark right now, waiting for you. Get help and GO FOR BROKE.
National Suicide Hotlines USA
United States of AmericaToll-Free / 24 hours a day / 7 days a week
1-800-799-4TTY (4889) Deaf Hotline
When you’re consumed with a problem in your life and there is no solution on the horizon – it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Sometimes the Universe delivers it in a way you were not expecting and the solution has been waiting for you all the time. There is always a way.” – Dr Jeff Mullan
I ask that you find hope in the things unseen. Someone needs you a lot more than you think – perhaps someone you don’t even know – yet.
Dream Big My Friends and With NO Excuses